Twinkle of the Stars, Little Stars, Shining Stars [entries|friends|calendar] ナーニちゃん [ website | Myspace ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Don't ask me where I've been... [02 Jul 2009|12:04pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | "Telephone" by MEG ] ...cuz if you do, I'll say WORK and YAPLOG!! lol Omg I've been so busy lately that it's been obnoxious. But I've got a little time on my hands now, so I just thought I'd update (correction: RANT) here for a change. >=] Honestly, people have REALLY been annoying me and getting under my skin lately. Between the stupid ghetto customers who come into my work all the time, Asian men and people online, I've just become sick of them and reverted back to my misanthrope ways again. The people who come into my work sometimes act as if they have no home training. Asian men of course are always smoking some dumb @#$%. And just recently, I've been getting a ton of crap from random people online. It started earlier this week, with a dude from mixi (Japan) named Yuji. He messages me on MSN for the first time since I added him in about 6 months and asks if I want to share pictures. Before I can even answer he sends me 4 of his (of which were really cute ones too, might I add...but NO! He's a bad boy!! *pinches self*) So anyhoo, I complement them and he asks to see some of mine. I show him one or 2 and he asks for more, some with me wearing lingerie and doing a "sexy" pose......>__< Let's just say that after I heard that, I swear I told him off so fast in Japanese it would've made your friggin head spin! I don't understand what's up with all these Japanese men from Japan who think American woman are nymphos. Um......*coughs* newsflashbutamericaisn'tthelargestproducerofpornnowarewe?*coughs* Exactly. So that was incident number one. Incident number two was with my ex-bofriend, Su, which I guess really isn't an incident when you think about it. I went by his myspace and notice he still has a picture of us up on his page, which I'm puzzled by considering the way we ended. I don't know, I guess I just can't understand why he would act like he can't stand me, but then puts my pic up on his page? Weird. Those were the major ones I guess, but I feel like I haven't been clear with people lately online, and I really need to get this last bit off my chest. Too many friggin people I talk to online take the internet WAY too serious. They get soooo upset if they don't get comments or messages or wanna delete people because "omg they never talk to me!!" Who the @#$% cares?!?!? It's the internet! I can't understand how and why some people are so sensitive enough to let these things bother them. I've been dealing with crap like this online for years and now I'm really starting to get sick and tired of it. Hence maybe why I rarely get on anything anymore. And I guess I need to go ahead and throw this out there too. I do not consider ONE person online that I talk to to be a friend, including some people that I've talked to online for years. There is only one person who even comes close to being an online friend, and that's Ariel, so if I consider anyone online to be a friend it would be her. Besides her, there is not one person that I consider a friend, I'm sorry. After Su and I dissolved, I made a promise to myself to not trust those online as easily as I did with him, because he proved to me that you can talk to someone for over a year and still be strangers. And so to conclude, if you are someone I speak to online from time to time, please don't come to me with any of the bullcrap mentioned above. I am 19 years old, and I have a life. I work nearly full-time hours at my job, and will be starting school soon. I have my family and friends offline to associate with. I have my career and goals I am trying to pursue. I have myself that I am trying to improve. I have a LIFE, and what I don't have is time to waste on those who take things like not leaving a comment on myspace personally. Before I started working I had already spent an entire depressing and lonely year sitting in front of a computer at home all day, basically doing nothing. Now that I work, I don't always wanna spend my off day in front of a computer screen on msn/yahoo chatting with someone who doesn't consider me to be any more of a friend to them than they are to me. Some people know I haven't been on MSN in months, mainly because Su was the only person I would really talk to there and after we broke up and I got a job, I didn't have the time or a reason to sign on anymore. I'm a busy person, and even though I consider my online associates to be just associates, I still care about them. Just because I visit a profile and don't comment doesn't mean I don't care, I comment when I feel like commenting and on what I feel like commenting on. When it comes to videos and blog posts, I comment only on what I agree with and/or can relate to, so if I don't comment it means I probably can't relate to it....so what's the point of commenting? There's no law that says I have to agree with everything someone says because they're your friend, and plus as I said before these people are not my friends. It's nothing that should be taken personally, especially since I could care less if anyone comments my stuff or myspace. o_O So now before any of you reading this try to delete me, make sure you know the truth first, and if you want to delete me for having a life and my own way of doing things then fine, go ahead. I don't take things online personally like that, because it's just extra stress and worries added to a life filled with enough of both. Aaaaaand now that THAT'S out of the way! It's time to get funkasy ~☆__☆~: ^^That's Tsuyoshi's latest live concert DVD, called "Endlicheri Live" respectfully. =] I bought this off yesasia.com for $40 (FREE SHIPPING!!! XDD *prances around happily) and am happy to say that none of it went to waste. I received it in the mail earlier this week and I watched the entire first CD last night, and I am happy to say that like FWD, this one was amazing too. I love love LOVE this dvd, srsly. I was up late all last night watching it, so I'll probably watch the second one (with waterrize and the documentary! xD) later tonight after work.Tsuyoshi never ceases to amaze me!! <3<3<3<3<3<3 I really recommend that everyone give this DVD a try, even those who don't know who Tsuyoshi is or who don't know about his music, because you definately won't regret it. I know I didn't! ENDLICHERI was so legendary, I'm sure gonna miss this style of his. *becomes sad and emo* And just to convince people to buy this DVD even more (lol) here's a clip from it that I found on youtube. This is him singing "White Dragon" which is also all throughtout this DVD. Enjoy!! MAN, I love this song. *sings* I'm your funnnky white dragon~~~~xD: post comment

KinKi Kids and bubbles! <3<3 [15 Jun 2009|01:56pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | "Freak -Yasutaka Nakata remix-" by MEG ] Hello hello all. ^__^ I haven't posted here in so long, mainly because I've moved to Yaplog and because I've been busy working. But this is something I came across on youtube and I just HAD to post it!! It's the cutest thing EVER, I swear. Of course, whenever Kinki Kids are involved it's always gonna be cute. xD This is from an episode of Domoto Kyoudai...I'm not sure who the guests are but they're experimenting with huge bubbles that people can fit inside. Then one thing leads to another and Ko-chan ends up embracing my dear Tsuyo so that they can fit inside one together!!!! xDDD: LOL I love how Koichi starts to blow bubbles on Tsuyo's arm!! haha<3 In the clip, just as Tsuyo is getting hugged by Ko-chan he says, "ドラマのオープニングみたいにしようよ", which translated means, "Let's do like an opening of a drama." LOL I swear i died when I saw this clip, seriously. Seeing those two dorks always makes me smile. <3 Eh well I guess I should go get ready for work now. Remember to check here for more of my updates (it helps if you can read Japanese as well): http://www.yaplog.jp/nani-chan P.S. - My birthday's coming up!!!! Get me something cute and pink, please!!!!! lol xDD   post comment

Top 10 Asian Male Celebrities pt. 2! [19 Apr 2009|06:16pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | "Let The Drummer Kick" by Citizen Cope ] I just had to do it again, lol. Now you all didn't think that the previous top 10 that I mentioned where the only top ten, did you? If so, you were greatly mistaken! Here's my top 10 male asian celebrities again, part two! xDD (Note: Some of the photos are manually resized, so don't worry if they look somewhat distorted.^^) Also, this may be my last entry here for a while. I'll be signing up to yaplog on Tuesday of this week, so be sure to add me  if you have a Yaplog account. =3 ---------------------------------------------- #1. - Takuya Kimura (木村拓哉) Age: 36 Nationality: Japanese Occupation: Singer, Actor, Guitarist Most Known for: Being in the 5-member group SMAP Notes: Ahh, kimutaku. lol I fell in love with this guy once I saw him in 'A Million Stars Falling From the Sky'. He is an AMAZING actor, in all honesty. His performance in that drama gave me the chills and forever haunted me. I swear, he's THAT good! xD After I saw him in a photo with beyonce and in 'A Sleeping Forest' I became an official fan. And I won't even get started on his looks! *drools* #2. -  Hiro Mizushima (水嶋ヒロ) Age: 25 Nationality: Japanese Occupation: Actor, Model Most Known For: Playing in dramas such as Zettai Kareshi, Kamen Rider Kabuto and Gokusen 2 Notes: Goshers this one is a cutie!<3 I haven't seen him in any dramas yet but OMG I swear, he has some of the most beautiful eyes and lucious lips I've ever seen on a guy....I want to kiss them!!! xDD Can you believe he's fluent in both English and Japanese, AND that he's 180cm tall?!?!?! I freaking LOVE tall guys!!<3 #3. - Eita (瑛太) Age: 26 Nationality: Japanese Occupation: Actor Most known for: Being in the movie 'Densha Otoko' and in the dramas 'Waterboys' and 'Last Friends' <---(I loved his role in that one<3) Notes: EITA!!! Omg omg omg omg! lol once I saw his hair I was in love, lol....he is so cute and sweet, and he has those same yummy little baby lips that I want to chew on. Standing at a lovely 179cm, he's been in a bunch of dramas. But the character I liked the most was the one he played in Last Friends...he was nice, sweet, gentle...and of course, hawt. xD # 4. - Tomo Yanagishita (柳下大) Age: 20 Nationality: Japanese Occupation: Actor Most known for: Being in the Japanese acting group 'D-BOYS' Notes: *sighs and floats up to heaven* why.is.he.so.cute? Someone please explain this to me if you can. I swear, he looks soooo adorable and innocent! His eyes are so big and pretty, I just want to hold him and cuddle him whenever I see his photo.<3   #5. - Song Seung Hun (송승헌) Age: 33 Nationality: Korean Occupation: Actor Most known for: Being in the Korean drama "Summer Scent" Notes: I'm pretty sure that everyone should know by now that I absolutely adore this man. (And yes, he's yet another 179cm dude!! *sighs dreamily*) What can I say? He's handsome and classy. He's just got that swag, and not too many guys have it like his fine self does. <3<3<3 #6. - Kang Dong Won (강동원) Age: 28 Nationality: Korean Occupation: Actor Best known for: Acting in the series "Magic" Notes: LOL I like this guy, it's just something about him that I really admire. He seems like he has a dark side to him, which makes him even more appealing to me for some odd and crazy reason. =p And I almost died when I read that he was a wopping 186cm tall!!! *faints* #7. - Haruma Miura (三浦春馬) Age: 19 (only 1 year older than me<3) Nationality: Japanese Occupation: Actor and singer Most known for: His outstanding and emotion-provoking role in the drama "Bloody Monday" as well as 'Gokusen 3' and 'Koizora' Notes: Eeeeeeeeee!!!! I first heard of his cute young self from my best friend Malisa, when she told me about bloody monday. I saw him in that drama and nearly passed out......at his young tender age of 19 (and yummy height of 178 lol) he is SUCH an amazing actor....and his smile is to DIE for. =] #8. - Takayuki Yamada (山田孝之) Age: 25 Nationality: Japanese Occupation: Actor and Singer Most known for: His cute and inspiring role in the movie "Densha Otoko" Notes: DUDE. He really looks like Domoto Tsuyoshi in the first picture, lol. Anyway, I fell in love with this charming guy once I saw his role in Densha Otoko. When the poor guy started crying, I wanted to embrace him!! xDD That facial hair makes him look so manly.^^ #9. - Ruki (ルキ) Age: 27 Nationality: Japanese Occupation: Singer Most known for: Being the lead singer in the Visual-kei band 'The Gazette' Notes: You know what's interesting? I'm not usually attracted to guys who dress in V-kei fashion. And you know what else is interesting? I don't listen to The Gazette, barely listen to any v-kei music at all and barely know much about Ruki. But guess what? HE TURNS ME ON!!!xDDD lol, I can't explain it. He's just hawt to me. His bleached hair is awesome.<3 #10. - Yuya Yagira (柳楽優弥) Age: 19 (you'll be like "really?!?!?!" after you see his photo^^) Nationality: Japanese Occupation: Actor Most known for: His amazing performance in the 2004 film "Nobody Knows" Notes: Eeeeee I have so many good things to say about this dude!!! But, I'll try to keep it short and simple, I promise. lol. Okay, in Nobody Knows this guy was only 14 playing the staring roll, and quite a difficult one too if you ask me....the movie and his performance are amazing, I highly recommend everyone reading this to go see it, regardless of if you like foreign movies or not. Now he's grown into an extremely attractive young man, so there's no way I could've made this list without his handsome talented self. (I swear he looks older than 19!!!!) Way cute. ^_~ ----------------------------------- Runners up: Naohito Fujiki Toru Nakamura Hiroki Narimiya Takeru Sato Sho Sakurai Gackt ------------------------------ And those are my top 10 male asian celebrities part two!!! Of course I have even more than that, I'm sure.....so many famous asian men are extremely attractive that if I wanted to list them all, I'd need to vote an entire blog to them ABOUT them! xD Anyway, who's in your top 10? Which one of these guys do you like? Comment here and let me know!! ^_^   2 comments|post comment

お誕生日おめでとう剛さん！！ [10 Apr 2009|03:15pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana ] おめでとう～！！！ 今日は堂本剛さんのお誕生日です。 とっても嬉しいな～～！！ 彼お３０です！！！ In translation, lol.....Happy 30th Birthday to one of my favorite music artists that has inspired me so much, Domoto Tsuyoshi. ^_^: ^^I made that, by the way.=] Technically with him being in Japan and Japan being a day ahead of us...his birthday was yesterday..o_O. But since I live in America, it's today. YAY!!! xDD I'm hoping he has had a lovely birthday, and that Ko-chan really gave him something nice...like Tsuyoshi did for his bday all those times. (Kisses, LOL xD) Also guys, I'm thinking about moving my blog but I'm unsure of where I should go. Hoshiko suggested Yaplog, which I think is the one I'm leaning towards the most right now. If anyone has any ideas, let me know!! Until then....look for My top ten Asian male celebrities part 2 coming soon. xD post comment

KK high xD [27 Mar 2009|03:19pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | "朝焼けサウラウンド" by Rip Slyme ] This is a survey I got from someone else's blog about Johnny's, lol. It was originally much longer than this but since I'm not too big of a fan of Johnny's I could only fill out the section for KinKi Kids. I hope the original poster of this survey doesn't mind!! xD I don't know what's been up with me lately...I've been on a Kinki Kids high xDDD   GENERAL QUESTIONS What was your first impression of Johnnys? Really cute and pretty boys who danced well! xDD How did you get into the fandom? My best friend introduced me to a lot of Johnny's groups, including KinKi Kids and Domoto Kyoudai a few years ago. At first, what groups/units were your favorites? Koichi Domoto only, lol. (I'll admit my first impression of Tsuyoshi wasn't good because at the time I didn't understand him, and he seemed intimidating to me for some reason. lawlz xD) What group/unit is your favorite now? KinKi Kids (BOTH of them now...only fans are gay. >=[) KinKi Kids What do you like the most about them? I adore their chemistry, and how they were brought together, and how their bond just see so close and real. And I looove their songs and looks too, both of them are extremely talented <3<3 What do you like the least? Haooy Happy Greeting LOL What was your first impression of them? Koichi = omg he's hawt!! goshers look at his arms, his eyes, his smile, his voice...*sigh* and look how he dances in the "Deep in your heart" video!! SO CUTE!!!! *drools* omg I love this man, I want to be mrs domoto! I don't know why he is so adorable but MAN would I like to have his BABIES!!!!! xD Tsuyoshi = wow, his facial expression is so serious and intimidating....how come it seems like he never smiles? i'm afraid of him for some reason...His voice is something I'm not used to...lols aww look how pudgy he is compare to koichi!!<3...what is this endlicheri stuff he does? Its confusing and unusual sounding...geez his clothes are colorful!! *LOL this continues on and on....* What made you a fan of them, if you are one? There music and their real bond with one another. I adore pretty much everything about each one of them.<3 Rate the members from favorite to least favorite; I kinda gravitate towards Tsuyo but I love my Koichi too.<3 Best/favorite vocalist? Tsuyoshiiiiiiiiii<3 In your opinion, the worst vocalist? Koichi, but only when he sounds a bit nasal-ish. Pick your 4 favorite songs, one for each of these categories; ballad, happy, rockish, own choice; - Teiden no Yoru ni wa - Natsu no Ousama - Kuroi Asa Shiroi Yoru - Harmony of December (the very first song and video I heard by them<3 What song is your favorite at this very moment? Loving, Snow! Snow! Snow! Which songs do you not like, if any? Happy Happy Greeting and Destination, I don't know why I don't like these ones so much T__T Favorite PV and why? Harmony of December because that's how I got into them <3<3 Favorite performances? I like them all but there's one in particular that I like of Anniversary at an awards show that I can't seem to remember the name of. =[ Favorite solo songs/performances? Tsuyoshi = Saturday, Someiyoshino, whenever he does chance comes knocking live xDDD Koichi = anything from mirror con Which member do you think is the best actor? Both of them are really good, but Tsuyoshi really seems to pour his heart into it. <3 GENERAL QUESTIONS #2 Do you read fanfics, and if not, why? Nah, not really my thing. What pairings do you ship? K+T <3 What is the most disturbing pairing you've ever come across? None. Do you watch jdrama because of Johnny's? LOLs sometimes hehehe Do you like other boybands than Johnny's? DBSK and flame are okay...I like a few jrock bands too. What are your fandoms outside of Johnny's? Ayumi Hamasaki, Namie Amuro, a few others. How do others (your friends, family, etc.) react to you liking Johnny's? LOL I've got my mom into liking one Kinki kids song. And my best friend who introduced me to them likes every johnny group except them, and I think smap..LOL. What Johnny's shows do you follow regularly? Shin Domoto Kyoudai, Domoto Tsuyoshi no Shojiki Shindoi. PICK ONE JOHNNY OR JOHNNY'S GROUP Who's the sexiest? Kimura Takuya *drools at his old self* The cutest? Tsuyoshi Domoto The manliest? Tomoya Nagase The girliest? Tegoshi Yuya (his looks sometimes...lol xD) The best vocalist? Tsuyoshi Domoto The best dancer? Kame, Koichi and Tsuyoshi (whenever he does it lol) The ugliest? Matsumoto Jun I don't care what anyone says he is NOT CUTE!!! The worst vocalist? Not sure The worst dancer? Not sure The one Johnny should just kick out already? all the smaps because honestly their getting old....lol The sluttiest? Akanishi Jin, no doubt. The funniest? Shige lol I don't know why he always makes me laugh for some reason The dorkiest? Koichi/Nagase Who is ABSOLUTELY not straight? Not sure And who is ABSOLUTELY not gay? Those with wives/girlfriends The one who has to put up with the most mental abuse? Not sure One group you'd want to see in your country FIRST? KinKi Kids One group you'd want out of Johnny's, if you had to pick one? That hey say group thing...too many people T_T post comment

*sigh* I'm floating now....^^' [09 Mar 2009|03:13pm] [ mood | optimistic ] [ music | "Silent Love" by 244 endli-x ] OMG. Okay. So I just finished listening to leaks of Tsuyoshi's new songs, right.. And I love like, every single one of them. YAY! xD He's so talented, I adore him I swear. I especially like the single song, 空～美しい我の空. His voice is soooo beautiful in that friggin SONG!!!! I usually don't buy Japanese singles because they're too expensive but akl;;sdsl;ksjkl;jknfkofjsklnfsnfl!!!!!!!!!!! He makes me want to buy this one. <3 I don't know, it's something about his voice that just makes me want to hold him close to me. =] I wish I could. =[ Instead I'll just hold his album close to me once I'm able to buy it! =] Whenever that will be. =/ Anyway...just had to update on that. haha =p OH! and I can't forget about this picture I found randomly..: I like how Tsuyo's face looks here, lol. Hmm, could that be koichi's hand he's holding like that?!?!?! xDD Later for now :3 2 comments|post comment

Domoto Tsuyoshi...ENDLICHERI*ENDLICHERI...244 ENDLI-x....and now, Bigaku?!!? [08 Mar 2009|10:08pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | "イノセント" by STRAIGHTENER ]   LOL omg. It's been so long since I did a fangirl-y blog so, here it is!! I just found out recently that Tsuyoshi is ending his Endlicheri project thing now. *cries* Kinda makes me sad because I LOVE the music he made under that name. And the way he dressed and everything...so original and funky. xD But, now he's ending it to start something called 'Bigaku' which I'm still not quite sure what it means...something like "my beautiful sky" or something...o_O Anyway, I still support him. <3 I love all his music, way back from his Rosso E Azzurro days. =p I also found out that he's releasing both a single AND an album on his 30th birthday, April 10th!!!!! WHOOHOOOOOOOOO!!! xD I wasn't expecting him to make an entirely new album this year, so I'm excited!!! Can't believe JE is letting him do whatever he wants, lol. xD I read some of the tracklist and production of it, and it looks really good...like a much happier Tsuyoshi.<3 The only thing is that the music may be different, because nearly everything, even the photoshoot, is done by him on the album. But even still, I'm eager to hear his new sound. xD One of the songs has already leaked, but I haven't gotten the chance to hear it yet. I want to hear it so bad!!! *sigh* Tsuyoshi's put me in a rough spot, though. =[ Not only is he releasing a new album and single, but also a photobook AND a concert DVD. I have no job and very little cash!! =[ And I don't live in Japan!!!!!! <=[ So, if I want to get all 3 (album, book, dvd) it would cost me well over 100 dollars. And, to top it all off..... They're all being release within 4 WEEKS!! Very little time between the release of each item. PLUS...there will be a limited edition and regular edition of each album, each one having one different song than the other. AND...since Tsuyoshi doesn't really make singles or videos for the album, because of the heafty price I'll have to wait until I hear it first before I decide to buy it. WHICH means I could possibly be missing out on limited edition things. (Which is really only an extra song but I'm still not sure....?) GRRRRR I NEED A JOB. HIRE ME HIRE ME HIRE ME!!!!!!!!! T_____T LOL. Well even still....I hope I like the album! xD Sometimes Tsuyoshi's music has to grow on me, like Kurikaesu Haru had to. But in the end, I always love it. =] I only have enough to buy either the album or book right now....not both. And I don't know when I'll be able to aford the dvd..... *sighs in misery* =[ Ah well....I can always drool at pics of him that I already have, before I get the photobook!!!!!! xDDD: His 'bigaku' promo picture thingie....gyaaar he looks so cute and cuddly. I beleive he took this photo himself but I'm not quite sure. I found this on a chinese website....awww, Tsuyo-chan as a little boy!!! My goodness, was he adorable or what?? (and still is, hahaha xD) Something I made when I was bored, lol....these were once 4 individual pictures but I put them together, changed the hue and added the words and lines. His facial expressions are so cute. <3 (DON'T TAKE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.) A little Kinki Kids moment here, lol. I was in love once I saw this picture, its soooo sweet. I just feel so giddy knowing he and Koichi have been KinKi Kids for 10 years...every since they were teenagers. YAAAH MOE TIME!!!! :3 :3 LOL but yeah, that's Tsuyoshi's hand on the right and Koichi's on the left. <3 The kanji above it says "Yakusoku" which means "Promise". It's also the title of their most recent single, and the 'KinKi Kids Forever' is also a song of theirs. [SINGS]everybody sing with us! kinki kids forever! come on, sing it....kinki kids forever! nananana...nananana...na....na...na!![/SINGS] lol. =p This was made by me, so DON'T TAKE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!   I still haven't heard the new bigaku song, but I'm gonna try to find it tomorrow since I won't have time tonight. I hope I like it!! ^__^   post comment

Whatever you give a woman..... [22 Feb 2009|05:22pm] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | "loving" by KinKi Kids ]   Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So - if you give her crap, be ready to receive a ton of sh*t!!!!!!!!! ---------- SO true. =] post comment

Asian men and the White women they adore. [14 Jan 2009|01:32pm] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | "Snow" by Red Hot Chili Peppers ]  Everyone knows I love Asian men, and every one knows by now that I am not Asian, nor am I white. They are seriously the only race that I want to be romantically involved with. BUT I am SERIOUSLY considering on settling for someone else if they don't step it up a little bit. This rant may sound a little mean for someone like me, but I can assure you that it is honest and pure. (Besides, when do rants ever sound nice anyway?) I am not a racist, nor a hypocrite, but I don't know any better way to express the way I feel. I am SICK of hearing from almost every freaking Asian dude that the race they are attracted to besides Asian is white. WHY oh WHY does EVERY freaking Asian dude adore white women? Why? I've never met one who didn't, honest to goodness. What is it that is so attractive about white girls that they get put on pedestals by everyone? I honestly can't see it. I DO NOT want to be with an Asian man that has EVER been with a white chick in any way. I just can't do it and feel okay about it. That is THE biggest thing that turns me off about Asian men, second only to their lack of confidence when it comes to doing things that require competition or for them to step out of their comfort zones.  It just boils me to no end. You don't even have to like black girls, that's fine. Noone is saying you have to. But there are OTHER women out there who are JUST as beautiful as white women, and white women are not all that!! They aren't worth sweating over, honestly. So stop focusing so much on just them! Don't be like this guy on youtube!: http://www.youtube.com/user/icysparks2007 There are already far too many Asian men who are like him. It's so pathetic, going on youtube and seeing these pathetic videos by stupid Asian dudes with titles like "Why don't White girls like me?" Um.....HELLO! Other girls like you, you IDIOTS! Maybe if you weren't such a wuss blinded by the "white light" your scrawny self would see that. For once, I just want to hear an Asian dude say, "I don't like white women and I've never slept with one." That would surely make my day. Why am I so adamant about this, you ask? Because white women already get everything and anything they want. They can get any guy they want because they are the most desirable of all women. They can succeed in this world without working very hard. They are already on high enough of a pedestal, so Asian men...why keep putting them on higher ones? Especially when they aren't putting you on any at all? You survey any group of men and black women are the least desirable. Instead of being put up on a pedestal, we're thrown into the trashbin by the entire society, including our own men. Unlike white women, we're seen as ugly. Our skin is too dark. Our hair? Too coarse, short and fake. Our attitudes? Too bad. Our weight? Too fat. We're only desired for our bodies and looked at as sexual beings. Non-black men only want us if we're light skinned or if we're mixed or if we have white features. If we actually look black, then it's a no. Even today, we're still seen as ignorant, ghetto, unattractive women, regardless of how so many of us had to struggle to become who we are....and you wanna tell me that WHITE women are BETTER?!? PLEASE! What have white women struggled for? They don't have to struggle for anything, everything is handed to them. And before stupid little white chicks wanna holler about how they've " worked hard to make it where they are" and how "they've experience racism and discrimination too", read on. #1 - You worked hard only because you wanted to, not because you HAD to and had no other choice. Trust me, there is a difference. White people are so powerful in todays society that they don't have to do much at all to be successful, besides being white. #2 - Discrimination? Bullcrap. The discrimination white women have gone through can't even be compared to that of what Asians, Blacks, Latins and others have gone through for YEARS and are still going through today. Being called a "cracker b*tch" can't be compared to being dragged down the street by a car for miles. IT JUST CAN'T. Stop looking at white women as saviors and angels because they aren't. Am I jealous of white women, you ask? Never. I'm proud of my struggles and would rather struggle to be put on a pedestal than to just be placed there like they are. I love my dark skin. I love the history of where I came from. I would never trade it just to have an easier life, and honestly....I need an Asian that understands the struggle too. If you'd date a white chick before you'd date any other ethnicity - - You are white-washed and I don't want you. Even if you've been with them in the past, I don't want you. We have nothing in common. I'm already society's second (more like 4th) choice, so I will be no one else's. To conclude, white women have no struggle. White people in general don't because they've always had power since the beginning of time. Every single problem on this earth can be linked back to white people. I agree, some problems people cause for themselves and can't be blamed on white people. But problems of the world and in society today, can be. I won't apologize for anything I've said, I can't help how I feel. Regardless of what some may think, I am not racist because I can bring up things I dislike about every single race and culture, including my own.....I just have the strongest resentment towards white people, because of their position in today's society. Asian men, please explore your options. I'm not saying to go out and find a black woman, but for God's sake quit acting like white chicks are the best thing to hit the planet since World of Warcraft!!! And also.....QUIT blaming the media and white guys for your reasons of not being able to get girls! The media demasculinizing Asian men won't matter if you're a confident Asian dude who doesn't freaking PEE in his pants at the thought of approaching a girl. And sure, many Asian chicks are with white dudes. BUT, did ya' ever think that maybe so many of them wouldn't  be with white guys if so many of you ASIAN men weren't wusses/misogynistic/macho/boring/etc.????  4 simple words: STEP UP YOUR GAME. Comments, whether good or bad, are welcome. I know I may loose some respect because of this, but I am not a bad person, nor am I saying that I'm not a bad person in an effort to make myself feel better about typing all this. I am just a person that is very aware, and that doesn't believe in sugarcoating what needs to stay bitter. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ****EDIT (5-10-09)****: Just thought I'd throw this in here, for those who may come across to comment. I know that many of you reading this may not have a livejournal account, so there is the anonymous option. Of course I appreciate all comments and I don't have a problem with anonymous comments, but if possible please try to at least leave your name, age and how you came across this blog. The name doesn't even have to be real, it can be a screenname or anything, but I'm really curious about the age and how you were lead here in particular. If you could do that for me, I would really appreciate it!! Thanks!!! =]   27 comments|post comment

My thoughts about suicide and people. [08 Jan 2009|01:17am] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | "History" by Crystal Kay ] Ah! Looks like my first blog of the new year! YAYS! ^__^ This is a really sensitive topic but I’m bold enough to take on the challenge of writing my opinions about it.   As a girl who’s had her ups and downs, I can sympathize with those who have commited or attempted to commit suicide. The thing is, I don’t understand how other people can’t.   So many people seem to look down on those who kill themselves, calling them “selfish” “stupid” “crazy” “weak” and other hurtful things. Some of the very people who call them these things may have even thought of suicide themselves, yet they still look down on other people because “they actually went through with it and I didn’t.”   People can be so cold, they seriously seem as if they’re unable to feel any type of emotion or compassion for anyone that isn’t themselves. For someone to actually go through with killing themselves, they have to be in a A LOT of pain, pain that is beyond tears, probably one of the strongest forms of emotional pain there is. They’re hurting deep inside and feels like no one out there cares for them, but they get called “selfish” for killing themselves?   I’ll admit, killing yourself can be a bit selfish to those who care about you. But if one feels as if no one cares about them, then how can they be called selfish?   Most of the time these people have other people in mind when they kill themselves, thinking that everyone else would be happier if they weren’t around….sounds pretty self-LESS if you ask me.   There’s no reason to call them weak either, because everyone is. Granted we all show our weaknesses in different ways but no matter how we show it, it’s still there. No one is that strong to the point where they become untouchable.   No reason to call them stupid, because even though it’s not the best decision, we all reach rock bottom at some point in our lives, we just handle it differently. Some turn to God, some turn to vices, some loose all their hope, some try to crawl back up to the top again. And then, there are some who kill themselves. The only difference is that it’s more extreme, and final.   I’m in no way in support of someone killing themselves or trying to make it sound like its alright, but honestly….this world could use a lot more gentle and understanding people. No one ever wants to stop and listen when someone else is hurting, but they want the entire world to stop spinning when something goes wrong in their lives. Feeling unloved and unwanted is what drove these people to kill themselves in the first place, and it’s a shame that the only thing people have to say about them when they’re gone is that they were “stupid and crazy.” Even after they’re gone, they’re still unappreciated.   People should give out the same things they want given to them. If they want to be respected, loved and appreciated, they should respect, love and appreciate other people regardless of if they hurt you or not. Karma will take care of what it takes care of, so the more bad karma you give out the more you’ll get back.   I am definitely without a doubt a misanthropist, but I guarantee you I’m the nicest person you’ll ever meet. I’m not saying any of this to hype myself up either. I’m kind even to those who aren’t kind to me, even if it means making a sacrifice or apologizing when I shouldn’t.   That’s why I can’t stand those who play the victim role….those who complain about how craptastic their life is but they continue to treat the ones who care about them like pieces of dog skeet. If you want someone to be there for you, be there for other people. If you want someone to sacrifice for you, sacrifice for them. If you want someone to love you, make sure they know you love them. If you don’t want to be hurt anymore then stop hurting other people. Then maybe your life will get better and the pity party will finally be over. And if you do all those things and still don't get what you want in return? Well, at least you can say you did the right thing. Everyone always likes to say that they try to be a good person, but a REALLY good person gives all they can, even if they get nothing in return. Half of the people on this earth don't even measure up to that. I am a very quiet perosn, so most people feel as if they can confide within me since I'm honest, a good listener and I would never tell anyone else's business. I constantly have to hear people say over and over how they're sick of being alone and not being able to find someone, yet when they do come across a potential someone they shun them away for stupid reasons. My words? Maybe if you weren't always such a jerk towards those who truly care about you, you wouldn't be constantly searching for someone to be with. There are some who believe that a relationship cannot work if you don't change yourself, which I only halfway agree with. The thing is, the main people I hear say this have never had a relationship last, maybe because they are tired of changing and expect the other person to change? Maybe they didn't change the right things? I don't know, but all I can say is, if someone keeps having relationship after relationship fail, it's always good idea to look in the mirror. For the record, changing doesn't mean a relationship will last either. For instance, I could give up my virginity to a man in an effort to keep him, and it may or may not work. He may continue to stay with me afterwords, or it could just become a hit and run. Making a change isn't necessarily the key to making a relationship work. Depending on the situation (like if someone had an addiction or was doing illegal things) it could be. But even still, it takes more. Besides, my friend Hoshiko said it perfectly in her blog: "They [men] won't like her unless she gives him p*ssy. But if she does do it, he won't respect her." (hope you don't mind me putting this in here, girl. lols =])   But yeah, that’s all I really I had to say about this subject. In all honesty, human beings are beginning to disgust me more and more with each day that goes by. The women are vain, superficial and nymphos; the men seem to be mean and cold-hearted by nature, both genders are pathetic enough to measure their own success by whether or not they have a man or a woman beside them, and about the only decient ones would be children, and even they are beginning to loose their innocence. Everyone is screwed up, and even though I’m a lot less screwed than the next girl, with me being only human I certainly can’t exclude myself.   Nevertheless, even I can have sympathy and compassion for another human being, even if they hurt me - - all simply because they’re a person. If a misanthropist, someone who can't stand human beings can say that, then so can everyone else. So, instead of looking down on people who kill themselves, lets try to treat our fellow HUMANS a bit nicer than we do so that maybe they won't ever have to reach this point of no return.   Please leave comments! Remember, you don't have to have an account to do so. ^_^ 1 comment|post comment

Monday Morning [18 Dec 2008|09:22pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | "Harmonize" by ARIA ] Hey everyone! How's it goin'? Hopefully everyone has been enjoying the holiday season so far. Anyway, here is a new poem that I've written just recently. I was inspired to write it after my boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago. **NOTE**: Some parts of the poem (actually about 99% of it LOL) is HEAVILY exaggeratted and over dramatized compare to how the break up was actually handled. This is done in an effort to make the poem more creative, and also to provoke some sort of feelings or emotions from the reader. So, don't think that I was depressed and crying my humongous eyes out LOL. Those of you who are regular readers of my poetry or who are familiar with my style of writing will notice something different about this poem as well, and that it's reversed - - meaning it starts out gloomy, but ends happily, which is a change from what I usually do. (I know some of y'all are like FINALLY! haha) ANYway, I really hope you all will enjoy this poem. I personally am in love with it, because I poured my heart into it and it turned out to be a beautiful art peice. If you read it, PLEASE try and leave some sort of comment here on LJ. You don't have to be a member of the website to do so. Also, try to leave your name and age if you comment, I would REALLY appreciate it! And also, you know the rules......you steal or repost anywhere without my permission and it's off with your head. Not a threat, but a promise. This will be the last poem that I post for a while, so here you are! =(^_^)=: Monday Morning Monday morning, the first morning of being alone What once brought contentment lingers a sad overtone Early morning awaken by snow falling softly outside Falling almost as steadily as the tears I cry Twinkling Christmas lights illuminate this empty room Sighs echo and repeat, such a gloomy and longing tune Icey winds blow, freezing my heart in place And the memories locked within that can never be erased My heart aches, a sensation I want so badly to ignore Until you I had never felt this feeling before I slowed my car down, opened the doors and let you in But now that you’re gone, I want to pick up speed again But switching gears isn’t as easy as I thought it’d be I guess it’s never a good idea to be too confident, you see Now my heart no longer speeds up like a drum And my phone has gone back to ringing only once or twice a month Nothing to look forward to throughout the day anymore And the pain in my soul resides deep within its core Thoughts I want to forget occur every minute, every hour Left to wonder how something so sweet can turn so sour How a girl’s true heart can be blocked from someone’s sight All because her wings are too pure, too white Looking into the mirror, all that’s to blame is me Because before “ode to a someone”… …I was free.   And now early this Monday morning, time stands still As I wonder if it’s true, that love makes you lose your free will And then that’s when it clicks, that something with such a strong grasp Can never be torn apart by the light a halo casts Now the ache is subsiding, tears no longer fall down to my chin Pink balls of tissue are being thrown into the trash bin Skipping off to my closet looking for something cute to wear The empty space on my bed now filled with teddy bears Music plays, humming a melody to never end Heartache is gone, hoping never to return again Monday morning, on my own, starting the day with style Solitude has returned… …but this time, with a smile.   -Written by Kiana on 12/16/08 (at like, 3am in the morning on a tuesday LOL) 1 comment|post comment

The amazing caramel cappucino shake! =3 [08 Dec 2008|11:40pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | "Jelly" by Capsule ] Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been going through a few things lately, emotionally. I'll update on that part of my life at another time. But now, I want to tell you all how to make the yummiest Cappucino shake EVER!! The entire idea of how to make it, was created by yours truly. =] Here's what you need! (=^_^=): Caramel (or whichever flavor you desire) Starbucks brand Frappucino drink Vanilla ice cream (any kind is good ^^) And Reddi wip, of course! (I prefer extra creamy =3) Now for the directions, which are very simple! All you have to do is pour the entire bottle of Frappucino into a blender. Then add as many scoops of ice cream as you desire! (NOTE: The more scoops you add, the thicker it gets. However, the more you add, the less you may be able to taste the cappucino flavor.) After you've added the ice cream and frappucino, just turn on the blender and blend until it's finished. Then top it with some whipped cream (and maybe even a cherry if you're naughty XD) and ENJOY! ^_^ I must say, this was one of the yummiest and most delicious cappucino shakes I've ever tasted, and it was sooo easy, quick and simple to make. I drank every last drop of it, and even still I wanted more. LOL. So, go out there and make your own, and tell me how you like it! BTW, if anyone decides to give this recipe out to anyone, don't forget to credit the source!: http://g3ntl3-wizp3r.livejournal.com (=^_^=) post comment

Ode to a Someone [11 Nov 2008|02:41pm] [ mood | hungry ] [ music | "Many Moons" by Janelle Monae` ] Yet another poem, lol. =p This poem was written for a friend of mine of whom I've grown very very close to in the past couple of months. I really really really like him, and he really really really likes me. ^_^ So, in essence.....we really really really like eachother. ^___^ I love the color pink! But anyway, this is my poem. I thought it was really good, so if you steal it and claim it as your own, YOU WILL DIE. So here's is my 'ode to a someone'. They know who they are. =] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ode to a Someone I don't usually write poetry for guys like this Because most guys aren't worth my rhymes or even a kiss But there's this guy that I've known for a while And lately he's made me giggle and really smile When I talk to him, I'm never bored Never have I met someone like him before He's goofy, charming, charismatic and sweet But underneath he's been hurt and cut so deep Of course there were times in the past where we got on the others' nerves But there were so many times when we were comforted by the others' words We met at a time in my life when I had no hope At a time when it seemed like life was on a constant slope So since that day, when we found each other randomly Instead of saying "never" I could finally say "maybe" He's willing to accept everything about me from beginning to end What more could a girl ask for in a special guy-friend? To think we never even would've crossed each other's path and way If I hadn't been searching for more than just "AMBW" that day Through so many months and through so many seasons I know that no one comes into your life for no reason Whether I say yes or a no, between us I hope for no regrets An ode to a someone that I'll never forget -Written by Kiana on 11-10-08 post comment

I ♥ you, my dear [10 Nov 2008|01:11pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | "パーフェクトライフ (Perfect Life)" by B'z ] A short poem written a couple weeks ago by me. ^_^ I have no idea why this poem is so happy sounding....usually I don't write stuff that's happy sounding...o_O. Anyway, steal or repost without my permission and DIE. Enjoy! ^___^ -------------------------------------------------- I ♥ you, my dear In a whisper, from his lips floats, "I love you, my dear." Spoken surely, honestly and oh, so clear For this girl it was her first time hearing those words But they came from a man that flew words like a bird So many times he'd said this phrase in the past But to whomever he'd speak it, with her he'd never last No matter when he said it he thought it came from his heart But it seemed that he and the one he "loved" would always grow apart Spoken to the first it came out unexpected Spoken to the second it was calm and collected Spoken to the third it was simple and old-fashioned Spoken to the fourth it was full of love and compassion Now he was saying it to the fifth girl, watching the smile grow on her face Stood suprised and confused while feeling her warm embrace A question was asked as she squeezed him even more "How can you be happy when to other women I've said it before?" And with that she stood on her toes, preparing to whisper in his ear While holding his hand, "Because I love you, my dear." -Written by Kiana on 10/28/08 post comment

Teiden no Yoru ni wa (On The Night of a blackout) [29 Oct 2008|02:07pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | A song for XX -030213 Session #2-" by Ayumi Hamasaki ] I really love this song by KinKi Kids. I hope someone will sing it to me, one day. =[ Anyway listen to the lyrics! They're beautiful. ^__^ ___________________________________________________ "停電の夜には−On the night of a blackout−" by KinKi Kids On the night of a blackout, the two of us Set out a single candle And we were controlled by the flame Hide all the excessive things that are Around me, in the darkness We stared into it without losing interest There is a confession that is more than words Just beyond your gaze There is only you I can only see you Forever, like this Just for me Show me a smile... When the candle runs out We'll make spontaneity our friend We both understand each other's feelings right now Kissing from across the table Made us one with reality There is only you I can only see you Forever, like this Just for me Show me a smile... I want to be the closest one to you And love you There's a fierce storm tonight And time quietly passes by The thing that was reflected in our eyes was ...Eternity As long as you're around I don't need anything The future is everything For you Miracles will occur On the night of a blackout I can see something There is only you I can only see you --------------------------------------------------------------------- (I can only see you too, Tsuyoshi!!! LOL =p) <3 <3     post comment

My top 10 male Asian celebrities! [16 Oct 2008|02:06pm] [ mood | hungry ] [ music | "Strange Things" by DOUBLE ] Okay, I finally did it! XD Here are my top 10 Asian male celebrities, in no particular order!! #1. - Tsuyoshi Domoto Age: 29 Nationality: Japanese Occupation: Singer, Actor Most known for: Being in the singing duo KinKi Kids Notes: My Endlicheri. <3 This is my husband, everyone. You diss him and you diss ME!!! lol #2. - Tatsuya Fujiwara Age: 26 Nationality: Japanese Occupation: Actor Most known for: His role in Battle Royale and in Death Note as 'Kira' Notes: Waaah I love Fujiwara-san. His face makes me googly eyed. XD He's also almost 6 feet tall...so tall!! XD And he's the only person who manages to still look cute regardless of having crooked teeth lols =p #3. - Ken Kitamura Age: 39 Nationality: Japanese Occupation: Guitarist Most known for: Being the guitarist in L'arc En Ciel Notes: Ahh, how could I forget my first? This is the very first Asian male celebrity that I ever had a crush on, and although he's uber old now, he'll always have a place in my heart! XD #4. - Ando Masanobu Age: 32 Nationality: Japanese Occupation: Actor/Director Most known for: His role as "Kiriya" in Battle Royale Notes: OMG. This man's eyes are looooooooooove. They're so big and innocent looking...very pretty. I could gaze into them for hours..*_* #5. - Kim JaeJoong Age: 22 Nationality: Korean Occupation: Singer and performer Most known for: "Hero" of DBSK Notes: I love hero!!! He looks like a baby. So cute!! Like a lot of Koreans he is also very tall, about 6 feet exactly I think. And his lips are so full and soft looking too....*droooools* #6. Lee Jun Ki Age: 26 Nationality: Korean Occupation: Actor Most known for: His role in "The King and the Clown" film Notes: Eeeeee!! This was like the first Korean dude I ever had a real crush on LOL. He's so tall too...o_O I love his smile and his body physique. ^_^ #7. - Koichi Domoto Age: 29 (will turn 30 in January '09) Nationality: Japanese Occupation: Singer, performer and Actor Most known for: Being in the duo "Kinki Kids" Notes: LOL i had a major crush on Kochan waaaaaaaaaay before I had one on Tsuyoshi lol. My friend thinks he looks old, but I think he just looks sleepy and drunk sometimes on Domoto Kyoudai LOL. But I still love his eyes and that beautiful smile. ^_^ #8. - Ming Dao Age: 27 Nationality: Taiwanese Occupation: Singer, Actor and Model Most known for: Being in the Taiwanese boyband "183 club" Notes: yaaaaah~~~I love his eyebrows. And again...sooo talll <3 <3 <3 180cm!! XD My friend said he looked Indian but I don't care...he's still kawaii. ^_^ #9. Tegoshi Yuya Age: 21 Nationality: Japanese Occupation: Singer and performer Most known for: Being in boyband NEWS and also in a duo called Tegomassu Notes: Tegoshi-kun!!! Man oh man he is one cute boy!! When you look at his eyes and smile, all you see is innocence. ^_^ I melt whenever I look at his face, haha =p #10. Shigeaki Kato Age: 21 Nationality: Japanese Occupation: Singer and performer Most known for: Being in the boyband NEWS Notes: Waaah, Shige-kun. =] His smile is one of the most gorgeous I've ever seen amungst Asian men....so happy and bright! And he has the cutest personality ever, which of course, I like. Yay!!! <3 <3 <3 ____________________________________________________________________________ *****Runners Up!***** Juinichi Okada Satoshi Tsumabuki Yunho of DBSK Taichi Kokubun of TOKIO James Kyson Lee (of Heroes) Minwoo Brian Joo Oguri Shun Ryuhei Matsuda _________________________________________________________________________________ Feel free to comment and tell me what you think of these yummilicious asian celebrities!!!! ^_^   3 comments|post comment

*sigh* HERE WE GO AGAIN. [14 Oct 2008|10:13pm] [ mood | awake ] [ music | "Whatever They Say" by DBSK ]   …how did I know this would come up again?   Anyway, the other day I was talking to a friend of mine and we get onto the subject of guys. I mention to them that there’s this asian guy I’ve been talking to for a while and we’ve grown really close. Then the infamous line comes up: “why don’t you ever express any interest in black guys? It seems like you eliminate them.”   Hmm. Really now?   I used to ask myself, “Okay, is it really me that’s doing the eliminating or is it the black guys themselves?” For the record I wouldn’t eliminate anyone based soley on race. Because of what I’ve been through in my life that just wouldn’t make any sense to me. But I don’t have a problem admitting that all my crushes throughout high school were asian. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to date black guys, since I’ve grown up around only blacks as a child and black guys were pretty much the only men that approached me. Asian men rarely, if ever, looked my way. Even still….am I supposed to go for the first black dude that shows interest in me just because we’re the same race? Regardless of the fact that we have nothing in common, he has white ash around his dry lips, lint balls in his hair, keeps asking me about sex and I’m obviously way out of his league?   Those are the only type of black guys I’ve ever been approached by, so I get tired of people saying that I eliminate my own race just because I express more of an interest in Asian men. Black men have been dating interracially and exploring their options for YEARS. When are we as black women gonna do the same, instead of sitting around complaining that they’re aren’t any decent men? Maybe it isn’t because YOU’RE the one limiting YOURSELF to solely black men!!! I am not about to end up like some of these black women out here, who have been through a bunch of failed relationships with black men and are almost 30 and STILL single, all because they refuse to explore other options and are waiting for “a good black man”. They’ll be waiting for a long friggin time, that’s for sure!!!!!   Now I’m not saying that they’re aren’t any good black men out there, because there are. Although I can count on one hand how many decent black men I know that are in my life, I still believe there are plenty out there. The only thing is, I keep my eyes wide open and I haven’t run into very many who weren’t already taken or dating interracially themselves. That’s just the way it is for me. Good men in general are scarce, so I’m not gonna say I’ve run into any men of other races that have treated me any better. The thing is, I’m attracted to Asian men and I’m interested in dating interracially. That’s just the way it is for me.   You’ll never hear me put down a black man in any way, shape or form unless he truly deserves it, and If a decent black man who was interesting, could accept me for who I am and wasn’t a stereotype came along, I wouldn’t turn him down. But if it seems like I primarily focus on Asian men, it’s because I do. I’m attracted to them, I have been for a long time and it’s not going to change just because some people want it to. I have to live my own life and this is how I choose to live it.   Besides…which gender of the black race dates interracially MORE? It sure isn’t black women. Who are the ones who are always complaining about how they wish black women would stop getting weaves but when she wears her hair in its natural state they make fun of her? Who are the ones calling black women all types of derogatory names in rap videos? Who is friggin SRGTWILLIEPETE on youtube who made 400 PLUS videos all dedicating to bashing black women?!?!   I ask again…who’s doing the eliminating? I don’t know, but one thing I do know is that it sure as heck isn’t me….   Anyway, I really don’t want this to sound like I have animosity towards black men, but it’s really about time stuff like this just gets put to rest now. This is my life. I’m 18 years old, legally an adult. I’ve been into asian culture for about 11 years; attracted to Asian men for only 4. Black men as a whole have been known for loving white women for longer than THAT. So honestly…what’s the big deal? If someone could explain It to me that would be great. If not, just shut the heck up, go find your own man/woman/whatever and go live your own life and stop worrying about how I’m living mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Haaaaaaa well I guess this’ll be my angry little rant on this lovely Tuesday afternoon.^_^ Comments of all kind are welcome!   -Nanichan. 2 comments|post comment

Good Girl [07 Oct 2008|11:42am] [ mood | melancholy ] [ music | "Prodigal" by OneRepublic ] This is yet another break from my notebook entries LOL. This is poem I wrote the other day, called "Good Girl". It's written in the prespective of a weary angel. It was also written in the heat of frustration LOL.  I wanna warn everyone now that this poem is, once again very dark, gloomy and emo lol. As I said, it was written druing a moment of frustration and it reflected my feelings at the moment, although not quite as extreme LOL. But my poems that are based on a true even are often a lot more extreme than the actual event itself. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. ^_^ Steal this and you will die. Not a threat, but a promise. =]   Good Girl   Just like an angel With wings, dirt free She’s a sweet good girl Unlike you and me   Always giggling Smiles so happy and bright Her wings untouched Still fluffy and white   Gets praised constantly By girls and boys too “They’re aren’t many out there who are quite as innocent as you.”   She should feel special Taking each step with pride But no one ever saw the pain That somewhat forced its way inside   Her life seemed so happy Full of fun and play Everyone figured she was happy They all figured she was okay   But there was a sharp frown Behind her smile of life And tears that made a river Behind her innocent wide eyes   Being an angel had its pros Life was never really too rough But nor was it ever very populous And sometimes praise wasn’t enough   Some girls had wings more tainted Some had already fallen off Some were bent, broken or burned black And some were no longer as soft   But like dolls, they too were precious And the gentlemen always wanted to play But no matter how bright good girl’s halo would shine The gentlemen never looked her way She wanted to be a good girl So high with her wings she had flown But she grew to hate those beautiful white wings of hers And how they continued to keep her alone   No matter how pure, no matter how white They never seemed to bring what they should So one night she got fed up And began destroying them as best she could   She pulled, tugged, wrecked, soiled Plucking feathers like there were never enough “What good is being an angel if you can’t even have true love?”   When she was done, her wings lay broken on the floor Loose feathers fly as she could only look down And last was her bright and ever shiny halo Once beautiful, now tumbling to the ground   Just like a fallen angel Without wings, into dirt they dodged Crying bitter tears she goes on searching After a lonely mirage   But good girls always come back They always will She only wishes that one day The smile on her face will become real   -Written by Kiana on 10 - 07 - 08 post comment

More of my old goofy/random/emo entries from my school notebook [29 Sep 2008|10:24pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | "Paper Planes" by M.I.A. ] LOL....kinda weird how I wrote all this as if I were speaking to someone, when I was only just writing to myself. Also kinda odd that since I've been out of high school I no longer have crushes on these people...well....maybe not too odd...I guess it's to be expected. One thing I noticed, though.....every single one of my crushes in high school were Asian. Go figure, lol. =p Anyway, happy reading^^: 5-1-08:  Today it is very cold outside. I was freezing all throughout the day today. I have no one to keep me warm. I only have myself. That is something that becomes more and more apparent with each day I come here. Later same day: I saw the guy I like again today. The short guy. He's so cute. And short. I want to pick him up and hold him!!! lol...he really is attractive and interesting looking, especially his hair. URGH. I hate myself. Sometimes being attracted to an Asian guy is like a guy liking another guy. *sigh* Just keep it on the down low.... 5-8-08:  Today is my sister's 29th birthday. So happy birthday to her!!!!!!!!! =] I went into class with the guy I like in it. I got there before him. I got nervous because I didn't think he was coming. =[ He came in though, shortly after I did. Guess how he came in? Singing! He came in singing. <3 It was the cutest thing I had ever seen, lol. I had never heard him sing before, of course I heard his voice but never sing. ^_^ I don't know what he was singing but it sounded cute. I wonder if he only came in singing because of that girl he sits next to and talks to. I wish he would talk to me the way he talks to her.... This week has been interesting. Events: Monday: major emotional crash (late to school, teacher, ridicule, confidence, tears) Tuesday: Much better than monday, thankfully, left school early because of doctor Wednesday: Nice hmong dude, tima's b-day cake, letters from danny Thursday: learned about darfur in the midst of black ignorance =/ Friday: ??????  GYAH what could possibly happen on friday? Mayne...I'm almost too scared to find out. I guess we'll see when that day comes... ***Sidenote***: Tima is my older sister, short for Fatima. Danny is my stepfather that passed away in 2005. For friday, I typed question marks but that actually turned out to be the first normal day of that week LOL =p 5-12-08:  Doing something different and writing in first block today. ^_^ lol....I'm really bored and tired this morning. We're watching some boring stuff about China on CNN....thankfully now she turned it off. Now she wants to film us doing the newspaper assignment, which I think is totally ridiculou....it's like, observing kids in their natural habitat or something LOL. =p Prom is this week, on Friday. We all have that day off, and of course I'm not going. No one asked me and even if they had, I wouldn't have accepted the offer. I hope whoever else is going though will have a good time. I'm also extremely bloated from going to a restaurant yesterday...my stomach can be so annoying, like an inflatable balloon. *sigh* This class really gets on my nerves sometimes....the teacher is so nice, but the kids are so irritating for it to be so early in the morning lol...It's really dull. I should go now...I have to do yet another pointless assingment. ***Sidenote***: I referred to 'doing something different' in the first line, because usually I would write in my notebook during lunchtime when I would skip, and not during class. Also, judging by how my writing sounds, I'm pretty sure this was a monday morning LOL. =p 5-13-08: We got yearbooks the other day. YAY! ^_^ However, I may not get mine today, because I forgot to bring my reciept. =[ Ah well. I just hope every single one of my crushes is in there. =] Speaking of crushes...one of mine came into the room singing yet again today. =] LOL he is just the sweetest thing to me. Gosh I like him. *sighs* I could never be more in love than I am right now...every time he comes in singing to himself, it makes me a little less tense. Really I want to kiss him. LOL ^_^ haha okay, let me end this now.... Later same day: My crush is not in the yearbook. =''''''[ TOO cute. ^_^ I'll have more again soon. =]   1 comment|post comment

Randomness and entries from school [25 Sep 2008|07:24pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | "Heart" by Ai Otsuka ] Konbanwa, minnasan! ^_^ Genki desu? This is basically just a random entry, so...yeah. =p Yesterday I watched "only you can hear me" movie, and I swear...I cried so hard. It was like a waterfall down my cheeks, that movie's freaking TOUCHING! =[ lol I don't know what my problem was but everyone definately needs to go see it. Sweetest movie ever, cheesy-ness and all. <3 <3 Today I was sick for some reason, which is weird because I haven't been anywhere since sunday. o_O How does one catch a cold in their own house, lol? Anyway, now I'm feeling much better which is good good good. ^_^ I got a message from a Japanese person I've been talking to lately. The person saw my picture and said that I was "kawaii". ^___^ It felt nice to hear that from someone, and made me smile. YAY! =] Anyway, I was bored earlier and I started looking through some old notebook I had when I was in school....I would write my thoughts in it, and I swear I make myself laugh sometimes. But anyway, I'm gonna post some of them up here everyday, until I'm up to the last entry. Here's one now, dated April 18th, 2008. I wrote this after lunch at school, on a rare day when I wasn't in the bathroom skipping LOL. Enjoy!!: April 18th 2008 - Errr...okay, so....I kinda ditched my own rule and ate in the lunchroom today. LOL haha =p I couldn't help it, I was going to skip in the bathroom but a buddy in there ran into me and offered me to sit with her, so I said sure. I guess it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I noticed this one Hmong guy sits around me in that area too, at least I think that's him. GYAH he's so cute -__- *sigh* I can't rid myself of this attraction, no matter how hard I try. I'm doomed to be a troubled soul!! lol.... But yeah, I don't think I've ever wrote about him before. He's one of the 4 Hmong guys here that I have a crush on. I'm just so drawn to him. He's your average ordinary guy, he hardly talks or smiles, just like me. His eyes have a sleepy/bored/dead look in them sometimes, but other times he looks so alert and interested. He always wears dark colors and he sits all by himself in the lunchroom, not even with the ASIANS!! Which is pretty schocking, considering. I wonder does he feel somewhat rejected from his own, too? He has a lot of thick jet black hair and it contrasts so perfectly to his creamy smooth looking skin. AHHHH! XD lol, I don't know, I just can't explain it. I'm so drawn to him it's crazy. The only big problem is...he's SHORT! And I don't mean short like my height, I mean short like "Hey, look! It's piggy back time!" short!!! Urrgggg!!! If only he were taller. I still don't know if that's really him in there, though. I guess I'll have to find our for sure the next time I go into the lunchroom. I want to get to know him some more, though. I really wish I could, regardless if he's short. If he was taller, though...man. It would work out so well...he's quiet, I'm quiet. He sits by himself, I sit by myself. He's just so dark, distant and mysterious, which draws me to him. I just wanna know what he's like. I remember the last class I had with him, where we had to work in groups and I sat right across from him. It took everything to not look up and stare at him lol!!! He is really cute to me, with such lovely Asian eyes. MAN oh man!!! How can I make myself stop this crazy obsession with Asians? Haha lol. Oh and one last thing. I have another class with him, where he sits right across from me on the other side. I think he's starting to notice how often I stare at him but I can't help it!!!!!! *sigh* Goodness....sometimes I hate myself for liking Asian guys, since it seems like I'll never be able to get their attention. >_< Maybe one day he'll just conquer his fears and come up and sit right next to me and say, "Hello". LOL...am I dreaming? Eh well. Maybe I am.... Here's another, from a little while after this one, and also after a bad day.^^ The entry I wrote before this one is somewhat private, so I won't be posting it. Sorry! lol: 5-7-08 - Today was a much better day and so was yesterday, thankfully. I prayed about it and talked to my mom, which made things much much better. This morning it was rainy and overcast. It was so beautiful outside, and I felt good. ^__^ Yesterday I got my tassle for graduation. It says "08" on it in pretty jewels along with my school colors. ^_^ I was so happy! Yesterday I also got to stand near the short Asian guy that I have a crush on while waiting for the teacher to come and open the door. He's so cute to me, and I notice he actually isn't as short as I thought he was. i just want to hold him, lol. He wears the same black hoodie every day, but I don't mind. I honestly don't know what it is about him that attracts me to him. He doesn't even notice me though, but he notices some other short, latina girl. *sigh* She seems simple. I guess that's what everyone wants, a simple girl. Why you would want a girl without any opinions is beyond me. I guess that way a guy can feel like he's ultra king and dominant over the female, thus conforming to typical male and female roles. I know when I look for a guy, I don't look for someone simple. I like someone that has opinions on things and can hold my interest. There's this one girl in my class who's stragith up trailor trash, and it seems like she has an opinion on everything except what she does, and the guy in the class seems attracted to her. WTH??!! Sometimes I think guys wouldn't be anything without females. Too many men don't have enough confidence in themselves. It's either too much or not enough. You don't have to "rescue" me or be with a docile, simple minded gurl in order to feel more manly and dominant if you have enough confidence in yourself. I don't want a guy like that. I want someone who encourages me to speak my mind and be strong, and I expect him to do the same. It's almost as if men find strong, intelligent females as threats or something. Intimidation is one thing, but who wants a guy like that? Anyway, the bell should be ringing soon. I'll have more to write later... post comment

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